Saturday, April 5, 2008

Bonafide Dog Lover


DEAR GOD FROM THE DOG

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?


Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the "Chrysler Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?


Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.


Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?


Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.


3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.

4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.

5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".


8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.


9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.

12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.


P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven, may I have my testicles back?

5 comments:

Catz said...

Very very funny and so true!

CrazyCath said...

That is so good it had me laughing out loud! Had to read it to hubby and he loved it too.

It is sooo true. And some yuk ones there too!

Thanks for dropping by mine kindred spirit! Your sis will LOVE you! Btw, the horse is on the left of the photo. I think. ;0)

Sheila said...

Thank You! I needed a giggle today!

LISA EMRICH said...

Although I'm a cat person, I laughed outloud with this one. Thank you for sharing.

I needed a laugh today.

Anonymous said...

Very funny.HHJoy